astoria sluts wonder why no one wants to live with them?

I thought I was done for today but then I stumbled upon this (THANK YOU GAWKER GODS!) and it totally made my day.

In order of priority:

Gawker's rendition of their posting:

First the good news. There are two rooms available in the four-room apartment: one small, one large. The smaller one goes for $550 and the larger for $800. Not bad at all! They've both got hardwood floors or, as the ladies say, "both rooms are hardwooders." And—oh, well, that might be it for the good news.

Gawker's follow up posting:

And on Saturday, Emily and Michelle hosted a potluck for a few of the more than 4,000 responses they say that they got. The invitation follows. If you attended, we would like to hear from you. Special bonus! Emily and Michelle themselves will be providing blow by blow later!

Due to overwhelming response we have come to the conclusion that a potluck is necessary.

please bring a vegetarian or nonvegetarian dish to
XX-XX XXth ave #1
this sat. at 7pm.

um.

its about a mile from the train, get used to it. its a douzie in the winter.

during said potluckathon you will meet:
1. the bedrooms
2. the other rooms
3. me
4. michelle
5. zach and bekah of the grand daddy
6. maybe james from the charmer if he comes home
7. maybe our landlord, douglas. he's asian, don't be alarmed.

we will have question and answer period, and perhaps a dress up contest.

if you got this email, it means during our email discussion on gmail chat we decided you were at least ok. if you sent two emails to trick us and only one of them got this return email, then haha.

ok, let me know if you have any questions. please don't email me back if you're coming, or email me with anything that will annoy me because im sick of reading these things. only if its important.

peace love and potluck,
emily

ps. if someone brings nametags, that'd be great.

One brave guest's recollection:

The highlight: They had met each other six years ago at a halloween party that they had both attended dressed up as prostitutes, Emily going as far as to paint dried semen on her face, a moment captured on camera and displayed with pride. The apartment was nice but very far from the subway, and decorated with daddy's money.


Their original posting:

$550 / 1br - our roomates are dropping like flies

---

Reply to: hous-451412453@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-17, 1:11AM EDT


"if its not one thing its the other, um.. uh.." Michelle
"ME HUNGRY" Emily

we have two rooms up for grabs in our four bedroom apartment.

one big, one small.

the first bedroom is a cozy little charmer, perfect for petites. fully equipped with closet, window and door. bars on the windows are a must see!!! this ones only going for $550, get it while the gettins good. (just steps from kitchen!)

our second bedroom is the grand daddy. attached private bathroom: glory hole not included. um. its big, what can we say. this puppy is going for $800.

both rooms are hardwooders.

both rooms share the same roomates.

only one comes with a grab bag.

Now, on to us:

Michelle as seen by emily:
"shes the kind of roomate who doesnt care when she finds out you go in to her room to read when shes not home. She sleeps a lot, and she looks good. Sometimes she brings home chips, those are good days. Sometimes she eats all my ice cream and hides the container under the couch, bad days"

Emily as seen by Michelle:
"Lover of giant penis's. smeller of clothes. This girl has got it going on."

DO NOT'S
* do not have pets, or bugs
* do not be unemployed
* do not not do dishes
* do not bring a hutch
* do not leave us in six months for a job in chicago... ahem.. previous owner of grand daddy
* do not get married and expect us to adjust
* do not pretend to be cool when we look through all the papers in your room and know youre on probation and use a weird contraceptive gel.
* do not use the condoms on the dining room table
* do not expect your food/juice to stay around
* enjoy cheese

requirements:
* $
* knowledge of how to fix everything (ie. michelles bed is broken, this laptop is missing keyboard, internet is being stolen from upstairs, we need new songs on our ipods, main bathroom sink wont drain, michelle tried to throw out her penguin bathrobe, emilys curtain keeps falling down, kitchen table is screwy, spot on floor from nail polish remover, bugs in cupboard again..(michelle just learned this as emily typed it and is sad), ice trays taste like pasta sauce, 5 air conditioners need taken out, douglas doesnt come over anymore, the lights keep flickering, the garbage outside is too far from the door so you have to bring your key, and its annoying because is 3 steps from being close enough to not have to bring your key and sometimes the screen door stays open for you so you dont have to use the key, but then it closes when you grab it to open the door and its really sad, theres a big no smoking sign in chinese in the living room, michelles hair straighter is broken, emilys candle is almost out, the hall closet is nuts!, emilys planks under her bed fall out, we're almost out of swiffer wetjet refills, all sheets need washed, etc.)

*must be able to stay up late, get wasted and cry about childhood
* must have endless supply of commercials to show us

alright, so... what do you think?


* background in psychology and willingness to be homeschooled by us