compare + contrast

via ellebelle (a tumblr friend):

Both of these women were on CBS yesterday morning. See if you can tell who has the skewed view of what is in a woman’s best interest.

“We spend money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t even know or like. We have no money in our savings. We have very little in our 401k plans. We don’t have a penny to our name, yet, oh, we all look so pretty. We look so pretty…You know how many women stay in a relationship that they don’t want to be in? And why is it that they don’t leave? Because they don’t have the money to leave.” - Suze Orman

“You better start thinking about your financial future…Because nobody else is if you don’t. And if you think that’s unromantic, I’m sorry. That’s a fact of life. It’s realistic. I care about women. And I don’t want to see them get hurt”. -Patti Stanger talking about why fortune hunting is a must.

my friend wants to hook me up with this guy.

This guy saw photos of me at my friend’s apt and wants to meet me. Sigh. She said she’d ask me if I was interested. This is how he described himself to her when she asked how she should ‘describe’ him to me.

Here’s my personality: I was briefly moonlighting as a fashion model, but I get $8 haircuts from a 72-year old Italian guy. The haircuts are terrible, but I love to drop a huge tip and hear him brag about his pudgy grandkids so I keep going. Afterwards I kick myself every time I look in the mirror for 2 weeks until it grows out. A month later I wonder how the old guy is doing, cancel my appointment at the SoHo salon that serves you a pinot noir while you look at awful Julian Schnabel prints, grab my 8 bucks and go back to see the old guy again. He says, “Geez, where ya been, I thought-a you move to Brazil to grow teak trees or somethin’ crazy like dat!” and I say “Not a bad idea, Vittore: not a bad idea at all.” Then he wrecks my sideburns like a drunken matador.

I think I am actually intrigued. Assuming he really wrote this. Which is a big assumption.

Why I'm not keeping up the Meat Rack

Read this blog post about the Page Six Magazine's expose of a Blogger from Gawker "done wrong" by his fellow Gawker Blogger girlfriend, supposedly.

Or click on the above, it will expand.

Page Six Mag is in the dark ages and doesn't have their shit online. Above is the story pieced together.

I find this all to be so, so, so sad. Can't we be ourselves and express ourselves without hurting relationships? Can't we as bloggers--and as people---be open and honest while still being honest with our partners?

You will understand why this all makes me think twice about any offers to live my life online.

It is not worth it to write about relationships for me right now, it just isn't.

Why I like guys like Jason Statham.

...and he looks even hotter in these photos by Richard Phibbs. In fact, Richard Phibbs takes lots of awesome photos. I am going to be sharing some of my favorites over the next few days. He seems to excel at beautiful--and interesting--portraits.

But for now....Jason Statham. I don't know what it is about this guy that makes him my #1 celebrity that I'd love to have wild passionate sex with every single day for the rest of my life. I don't think I'd want a fling with him, which is strange, because he seems like the bad boy, fling type. The kind you don't want to marry because you know that they are of the general TYPES of men, the least likely to be trusted. Well, besides professional athletes. Those guys are the WORST.

So what makes guys like this sexy? It sure isn't his height. He's only 5'8 1/2 aka WAYYYY below my requirement.

He's just one of those guys. The ones you know you shouldn't like, but you can't help but really find yourself drawn to. Like some kind of moth to a flame I feel like I want my life to be an adventure. I want to be with someone WITH a spine. With balls. Someone who is a badass. Someone who shows his softer side only to me. One part rock and roll, one part gentlemen.

I don't want to be with a guy that couldn't kick another guy's ass. Not that I would ever want him to, because I wouldn't, but I would want to know that he could. Does that make sense?

Sigh. Jason Statham. Former Olympian. Former Blackmarket Salesman. Currently sexy, single, and out of my league in Los Angeles.

the reject line.

I was just going back through some of the replies, etc. from this crazy game of craig's super crazy list that I chose to share here and I realize that the guy from my 'superficiality' posting never wrote me back. Weird because he saw my picture prior to me seeing his and my response was normal so why abandon the ship?

I think maybe some of these men just do it to do it with no real intention of anything ever materializing. Or perhaps they are so used to spam that they just assume that nothing is genuine? But if that is the case, why even bother replying? I'm so confused...

Perhaps the real question is, after me simply pressing the delete key to dismiss so many potential suitors (although many without any potential to even be a potential) why does it bother me even the slightest that I got rejected in turn?

It truly is par for the course, is it not?

Life and relationships and dating is all a series of rejections. I reject him, he rejects her, he rejects her again, I go back to him he rejects me. It is all some cycle of rejection until you meet someone who doesn't make you want to keep pushing people around in search of the right one. The guy that makes it easier to say 'stay' rather than 'leave.'

some craigslist cheeseball sent me this quote

"what if someone you never met, someone you never saw, someone you never knew... was the only someone for you?"

-Sleepless in Seattle

Umm yeah. It is from Sleepless in Seattle, so he isn't even in the prospect park, but it still is a memorable thought. Only....if that is life, if you could possibly NEVER meet that person, then what is it all about? I hope that isn't the case. I'd like to think that if we're lucky, we will all fall in love with the right guy. At least the third time ;)

Polish man finds wife in a brothel.

You have to love Eastern Europeans this is classic!

"The woman, who had told her husband she had been working at a store in town to make extra money, Reuters reported.

"I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming," the husband told the Polish tabloid Super Express on Wednesday.

The couple reportedly are getting a divorce.

So who is more at fault, the woman working to get more $$ or the man who is going there? Did the wife know he went to see hookers? How are there still brothels?

I think I might avoid any dates with Eastern European men. I would flip out if my man was in a brothel. At all. Except maybe that bunny one that Hefner goes to. Is that still around?

Sigh. Men.

Fun-day Sundays.

I have just been told from a reliable source that it is best to post to Craigslist on a Sunday afternoon. Why I do not know? Interesting.

a long-winded reply.

I was so glad she wrote me back that I think I might have gone slightly overboard.

I have major diarrhea of the mouth here and ramble about god knows what.

I am starting to become skeptical of if this is really going to materialize yet I can't shake the feeling that I really hope it does.

On Jan 8, 2008 7:15 PM, REDACTED wrote:

Hi REDACTED,

I'm glad I wrote again. I wasn't sure and didn't want to bother you...but Gmail can be tricky and annoying. Sometimes I love the conversation element (the way it groups together) and other times I feel like I miss a lot.

As for REDACTED, I think hedgefunds in general suck you in. I think that applies across the board and it really doesnt matter what your role is. I really think the financial world is super intense in general. So draining and stressful. I'm glad I dont have to worry about that. I have so many friends in that world who have a love/hate relationship with their jobs in that field. I guess you know, working at Citibank right?

I really love NY. I honestly cant believe it took me this long to get here. Austin, Texas is a great city. I moved there on a whim post graduate school (I can be impulsive at times) because I heard it was a really fun city to live in. I'd visited a few times and decided to give it a shot. I lived there for a little over 2 years and loved it. It is such an awesome place for music. I really love going to see live music (the small shows in bars/lounges/small venues) and got to see a ton of it there. I also loved the lakes. I had a boat there and went on the water a lot, jet skiing and boating. It was just a beautiful place to live.

However, it is a college town at heart and you get burned out easily. I remember looking at my group of friends and realizing that I didn't want to have some of their lives (38 still single, partying it up with the 21 year olds on the lake). I just knew that I wanted more for my life than that career wise. So I decided to move here.

I lived here during undergraduate in Astoria and promised myself I'd come back someday. The West Village is amazing. I really love the smally tiny restaurants and low key bars/lounges. It just really feels like a neighborhood, if that makes sense?

I'm so jealous that you went to NYU! I went to Indiana (undergrad) UNC (grad) both schools in small college towns. I almost came here, I would have liked it much better I think. I love the East Village, as well. So much character. There is an italian place I go to, Max's, over there a lot...and Momofuku of course as well.

So what part of Brooklyn are you in? I go over to some restaurants in Park Slope and Williamsburg sometimes but that is about the extent of it besides the Botanical Gardens. My best friend is moving out of our apartment to move in with her boyfriend out there (long story, bad idea) so maybe I'll be visiting out there more. We shall see :)

Sometimes women get men in their lives and forget their friends, I'm sure you've seen that happen 100 times.

I just realized how much I wrote about my life, sorry I'm such a rambler.

So, how did you meet your husband? How long have you been married? Where did you grow up?

Feel free to not answer any of those if you'd like :)

As for REDACTED....However it ends up working out easiest for you is great, thanks for keeping me posted. I'm in town until February when I'm gone for a week, so I'll be around. I really look forward to meeting him. It is so strange to wonder what a person is like in person and have no idea.It is so interesting and suspenseful and strange all at the same time.:)

Hope you had a great weekend,

Sarah

she didn't get it! she replied!

I have two confessions.

1) I had a dream about this guy I've never met or even spoken to and I don't even know if I will ever meet him. How pathetic is that?
2) I was so f-ing glad when she wrote me back. Mostly because I had myself convince that I had been majorly played and it feels great to have my faith in people and in women and in her restored.

Obviously yes, I am reading way into this whole thing. It is getting a bit out of control. I realize this. I am working on that.

Another confession, I think I might be wayyyy more excited about meeting him than she is about setting me up with him. Just an observation :)

On Jan 8, 2008 4:34 PM, REDACTED wrote:

hey sarah! no actually I didn't and then I went thru my sent mail and saw a mail attached to the original email I sent u in there! I hate how gmail works. It's so weird how these emails don't come in separately and they group them to the original emails when you hit reply to them. I guess it started out as a sent mail and all incoming will stay attached to that email. so wierd. but thanks for writing me to check up, othewrise I would've thought that you lost interest. =)

Anyway, I haven't gotten a chance to bring anything up to REDACTED lately since he's been really busy (I think the hedgefund he works at treats him like crap being only 1 of 2 IT guys there). But I'm going to find a way to ease this situation into a conversation. Worse case, we can arrange a night out to hangout and you can come meet up with all of us and you two can "happen to meet" heheeh.

Anyway, I hope your weekend was well! I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, how are u liking it up here in NYC having only been here a 1 year or so? It's awesome that you live in the west village. I lived in the east village for 4 years when I went to NYU and couldn't stand leaving it but I moved to NYC (i'm from jersey) there after (live in bklyn) and love it.

catch up with you later,

cab drivers need love too?

What is wrong with this email....

1) everything is yellow.
2) everything is yellow.
3) the photo is of him in a cab smiling through the window.
4) he's driving the cab.

On Jan 7, 2008 11:27 PM, wrote:

well well hello there

My name is {REDACTED} and I just came across your posting in craigslist.

I am 34, very down to earth humble funny warm sensitive passionate clean cut hard working businessman

Cool stuff and Maybe we can click !

If you are willing then I am willing to give it our best shot!

what you say my dear?

email me and we can exchange phone #

Best wishes

Girl trying to hook me up hasn't replied :(

So she hasn't replied. Sigh. Maybe he wasn't real? Maybe this was some type of social experiment on her part? Maybe I am a fool? Maybe I am reading into all of this WAYYYY too much.

Maybe I should give it another shot.

On Jan 7, 2008 10:47 PM, Sarah wrote:

Hi Lily,

It has been a few days, just making sure you got my email? I opened some serious spam in it courtesy of Craigslist and I had to have gmail fix my inbox... I am not sure if that did anything with emails I sent prior to discovering the problem, but just wanted to make sure as I remain interested in meeting REDACTED

Hope you had a good weekend,

Sarah

didn't I specifically say older guy?

Maybe I forgot. Anyhow, 20 years old isn't going to cut it no matter which way you dice it. I'm really having a hard time figuring out why these people even waste their time. If you can't manage to spell out the word 'your' and you spell up 'upp' then do you really think we have anything in common if I say I'm an ambitious, professional girl?

Craigslist is looking like this:

5% Normal guys who actually read what I wrote
90% Total jerk offs who reply to every ad on there and have no idea who/what/why they are even doing so.

I think I might have to post another one just to see how many of the same people reply, even if I use the same photo!

I wish I could share this guy's photo. He is in front of a Christmas tree wearing JEAN SHORTS!

On Jan 7, 2008 9:34 AM, wrote:

hey wuts upp im mario im 20 and i live in staten island i saw your post on craigs list it seems to me like ur an interesting girl so hope to

Dating via the Internet Code of Conduct

I've been trying to figure out in my mind how I am going to share with you my journey (or lack thereof) with some of these CL respondents. So I have figured out that I am going to establish a

"Sarah's Responding to Internet Men Code of Conduct"

1. I must not reply to ads that do not immediately occur to me to respond to. I cannot start to feel sorry for these guys. I am not their savior.
2. I must replace their names and email addresses with REDACTED, especially if I am making fun of them. This is journalistic for --- not sharing to protect privacy.
3. If they do not send a picture, I will not respond.
4. If they write something awful, I will not reply with a lesson in grammar and punctuation.
5. When I reply to a guy if he becomes a 'prospect' I will create a nickname for him and refer to him on here by that nickname.
6. I will try my best to chronicle any 'prospects' as they unfold.
7. I will not give out my # until at least 3 photos have been shared and/or a Facebook or Myspace page. I have to make sure he isn't a photo stealer.
8. When/if I meet him/them in person it will be in public, with lots of people.
9. If I ever really decide that I like one of said 'prospects' I will either 1) stop writing about it 2) tell him that I have been and will now cease or continue.
10. I will not send any of them the sexy picture of me in the jean skirt.

Is there anything else I should add? This might be a work in progress as it unfolds.

i don't cheat, i don't lie, what more...? HAHAHAHA

This is just cracking me. Up. I cannot stop laughing. I'm literally rolling around on my bed howling. I think the last time I laughed this much was during Britney's VMA performance. Although that was with a tinge of sadness. This isn't sad. At all. This is funny.

I don't even know what to say about this.

Hmmm [REDACTED] What do I want besides lying and cheating? Ummm everything. No lying and cheating should be a given. I don't even think you and I are on the same planet, my friend.

My standards would probably have you tounge tied. I SO WISH I could share with you guys his email address ,lets just say that it has the words "mister" and "happy" in it.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAA.

Moving on.


On Jan 6, 2008 3:40 PM, REDACTED wrote:

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

WELL THIS IS ME I DON'T CHEAT AND I DON'T LIE WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
http://www.myspace.com/[REDACTED]

---

this message was remailed to you via: pers-530297198@craigslist.org

---

worldly with size issues?

He actually sounds ok. I like the Hong Kong--worldly-aspect of him and I too really love and appreciate thoughtful conversations. I think after having so many bad ones, you learn to really cherish someone who can bring to the table great convos.

However, this is assuming that he can.

And if he isn't smart enough to figure out how to resize a photo {see below in RED} I doubt he can carry on a conversation.

NEXT.

On Jan 6, 2008 1:56 PM, [REDACTED] wrote:

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html


Hi -- I saw your message on Craig's List and figured i'd send you a message.

I recently returned to NYC after living in Hong Kong for 1 year. I'm 28 work in finance and share many of your interests (music, travel, thoughtful conversations, exploration of NYC, etc.). I too am not so fond of Conn or New Jersey as I grew up in Florida and am not eager to ever leave NYC for the burbs. I've only been back in NYC for 3 weeks but am not so excited about meeting people in bars. I'd send a pic but have trouble sending through Craig's list. send me your email (if you're interested) and i'll send you a pic.

Talk to you soon,

[REDACTED]

---

this message was remailed to you via: pers-530297198@craigslist.org

---

Is it right to like a friend's friend?

I have this friend. And I might like her friend. I don't know why. He is short. (I don't do under 6 foot, like ever). He doesn't have a very good job. He lives in a shit hole. And he has a girlfriend.

The weird thing is that I might actually be more attracted to him because I know he isn't available. My dad is a psychiatrist, I should know better than to be so ridiculous.

Why do we do this to ourselves as women? Why do we hate the ones who love us and love the ones who don't want anything to do with us or at least shouldn't?

I have a NO FRIEND RULE. I think it is wrong, yet I find myself flirting with this guy who is off limits in like 100 ways. What is wrong with me?

The weird thing is--I think this guy might like me too. And would probably cheat.

Which makes me not like him and the whole thing null and void.

Where do they fit in?

So right now I have a few potentially hypothetical prospects. It is still in EARLY stages and I have NO IDEA if something will materialize. I just don't know if you can build a spark without really meeting someone and even then, well, I'd have to be super lucky for it to be instantaneous.

At the best--I'd love to feel something.
At the least--I am hoping not to get killed by a serial killer posing as a guy worthy of getting my #.

I'm just trying to figure out in the meat rack that is my dating life--if and when and why and how these guys fit in? Do any of them? Does one of them? Do none of them? Is this a total waste? Like 99% a waste or 100% waste?

Have I at the very least learned some things about myself? I would say that yes, my friends, I have.

I have learned...

• A lot of people misrepresent themselves
• I am very insecure about my photos
• Men with kids are not appealing to me at all
• Guys really have to be tall for me to like them, that just isn't going to change
• I am capable of giving something a shot
• Stepping out of your comfort zone makes you a better person
  
• I love to write, really I do.
• Guys are really stupid enough to submit a photo of Tyson Beckford and call it themselves (2 guys did that!) Do they not realize that any girl into fashion knows who he is??
  
• There are lonely people in NY, not just me.
  

I think I am going to meet some of them this week. This has been dragging on long enough. Might as well jump off the ledge and fucking take a chance right?

Random Cute Guy Meeting at Hercules Fancy Deli (!)

So a few moments ago, I stepped out of my apartment in my pjs with Elle so that I could go get something from the Deli.

So I am speaking with Hercules, the crazy Greek guy that owns/rules/presides over "Hercules Fancy Grocery" that is right next to my door. Literally. One door to the right.

He has one fake eye and he hates my/our landlord. He is hilarious.

Anyhow, I was in there getting a (yep you guessed it) Sugar Free Red Bull. Why I was buying Red Bull at 10 p.m. is none of your business. I am an addict. I know it. I have made it past the Denial stage and am now full fledged into the Acceptance of what I am doing. There is no attempting to change yet but there might be someday. I am open to it.

Anyhow, in walked this guy. Hercules introduced me to him, he was ranting about some other deli and how the guy who works there was being rude to him about Milk. He was hot.

Hercules says he lives in the hood and comes by often on his way home from work which is like 9 or 10 p.m. He must be in the investment world. I'm keeping my eyes peeled.

My extremely well thought out reply to her.

The only 'her' in this situation that I could be possibly referring to is the girl who is hooking me up (or attempting) with her friend, unless of course I was referring to her as myself, which would be kind of weird.

So anyway, I took some time today at work to write her back.

The truth is that I really didn't know HOW it would be best to meet him. Meeting anyone this way is crazy enough but to do it at least you know the other person has seen photos of you and has a general idea of who you are. No matter what on this one, I am walking in COMPLETELY blind. And that is scary.

Perhaps I say it to her best: I want it to start with honesty, if anything is to start, and I really have no idea what the best way is to meet anyone. If I did, I probably wouldn't be giving this a shot and considering doing a dating column.

On Jan 4, 2008 1:29 PM, Sarah wrote:

Hi REDACTED,

Thanks for your reply.

As for posting up your friend--anything is worth a shot. I read somewhere (NY Mag I think?) that the best time to post it up is in the evenings on Sundays, that the "best guys" look then, whatever the heck that means. I am sure just like anything else, it really is a shot in the dark. I ended up getting 3-4 normal responses out of over 100, exchanging a few emails ,we'll see what happens.

What I've found so far is that it is really hard to tell who a person is via email, much easier once you actually talk to them (which I've done with two guys--one of them was like a total disaster!), the other one not so bad. You'd think you could maybe sense personality through email and I think you can, but you get the first initial part of chemistry from talking, I guess? I dont know...I could be totally wrong, I am so new to all of this.

As for meeting him--I'm excited too (!) I don't really know the best way to go about it. I would never want you to feel like you had to lie to him, so whatever you are comfortable with. It seems like maybe the wrong way to start anything that could be anything new, with dishonesty, but being vague might be good :) We could always confess later on, who knows, maybe we might end up being friends if things worked out with him and then it wouldn't be such a story...

It is kind of a unique situation, so I was thinking we could either go the email route and you can tell him whatever you think is best for the context (I dont know if he is the "ask a lot of questions" type)? Have you spoken to him about it yet?

I'd be happy to email him and start the conversation or you can give him my email (my real email by the way, is: REDACTED@GMAIL.COM, he might think the whole REDACTED (my made up email address for this experiment) thing is kind of weird). I don't know if he'd be more comfortable talking to me first through email or just speaking and setting up a real "blind" date. I've been setup both ways before and although some of the 'you have to meet this guy' setups that come out of the blue have been awkward when there has only been a phone conversation prior, it is so much easier to tell in person than via email.

Whatever you think is best?

My info, just so you know:

Sarah REDACTED
26
Live in West Village
email: REDACTED
917 REDACTED (cell phone)
I moved to New York from Austin, Texas (1.5 years ago)
No southern accent :)
I am the VP of Business Development for a marketing agency

Don't know any other important things you might want to know? I might have already given you too much information, lol. I'm sorry if I have, I am just trying to cover the bases.

I'm really having a strangely good feeling about this whole situation.

So let me know whatever you're comfortable with, I'm game for whatever introduction you think is the best. I can't wait to meet him! Hopefully he won't see my picture and think that is a bad idea :)

Thanks for doing this, you are a great friend, clearly. And your track record is superb. All of my setups have ended, unfortunately, and none with a proposal. lol.

Sarah