my friend wants to hook me up with this guy.

This guy saw photos of me at my friend’s apt and wants to meet me. Sigh. She said she’d ask me if I was interested. This is how he described himself to her when she asked how she should ‘describe’ him to me.

Here’s my personality: I was briefly moonlighting as a fashion model, but I get $8 haircuts from a 72-year old Italian guy. The haircuts are terrible, but I love to drop a huge tip and hear him brag about his pudgy grandkids so I keep going. Afterwards I kick myself every time I look in the mirror for 2 weeks until it grows out. A month later I wonder how the old guy is doing, cancel my appointment at the SoHo salon that serves you a pinot noir while you look at awful Julian Schnabel prints, grab my 8 bucks and go back to see the old guy again. He says, “Geez, where ya been, I thought-a you move to Brazil to grow teak trees or somethin’ crazy like dat!” and I say “Not a bad idea, Vittore: not a bad idea at all.” Then he wrecks my sideburns like a drunken matador.

I think I am actually intrigued. Assuming he really wrote this. Which is a big assumption.